So You’ve Left…What Now?

The Healing Process

Welcome to Right-On with HFG Happy Families Support Network Inc. (HFG)

HFG is a not-for-profit support group that provides ongoing support to women and children who have experienced abuse

HFG is run by women who have experienced abuse for women and children who have experienced abuse and is a free service to women and children

The topic for today is – So You’ve Left…What Now?

Today we will talk about – The Healing Process

In order to overcome the damaging effects of abuse you need to change your way of thinking about yourself

Forgive yourself and relearn to love and trust yourself

At HFG we say “moms learn to PIVOT” just like in basketball

Keep 1 leg on the floor, being a mom, while working on forgiving, loving and trusting yourself and regaining confidence and self esteem

Acknowledge and accept that the abuse was done to you. It is not your fault!


Accept and experience your emotions, they are normal and healthy

MOURN the loss of your relationship as if it was a death in the family. The person you loved no longer exist

It is OK to feel ANGER. This is a normal emotion and everyone gets angry every now and then…

REMEMBER you are not angry at yourself, but at what happened. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

LONELINESS and ISOLATION is a big part of abuse, these feelings continue after you’ve left the abusive relationship

Take some time to mend relationships with family and friends if possible

…if not possible plan to make new friends and build new networks. But first spend some time with yourself

Abuse slowly erodes your confidence and self-esteem, and now is the time to rebuild them

Make a list of your best qualities. Ask for help if needed. Friends and family can be helpful

Keep that list with you and read it regularly and when you think of something new, add it to the list

This is the beginning of relearning to LOVE YOURSELF

Surround yourself with love. YOU DESERVE IT

Fill your home with memories and mementos that remind you of how loveable you are and how much you are loved

It is OK to feel ANXIOUS and OVERWHELMED at times

TRUST YOURSELF, trust your instincts. Remember, before the abuse you trusted yourself to make the right decisions

Trust yourself enough to know even if you make mistakes, you’ll learn from them, and make more decisions until you have the desired effect

If you have FEELINGS of FAILURE. REMEMBER, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! You can’t change the abuser

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! FORGIVE YOURSELF. Give yourself a break. You did nothing to deserve being abused

So forgive yourself, throw away the guilt and PIVOT towards CONFIDENCE

You’ve done the most courageous thing ever…LEFT AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Take small or large steps. Whatever size steps you are comfortable with but walk tall…

Hold your head up and know that you are an amazing person and deserve to be treated as such

Remember, you only fail if you don’t try. So keep trying

Climb over every stone and clump of dirt that life throws at you, and every time you stumble, get up, brush yourself off and keep climbing

Remember you are strong, courageous and resourceful!

Now start building your support system. Start by telling trusted friends and family about the abuse

Join support groups. It is very helpful to be around people with similar experiences. You are not alone

You can work together to develop new coping mechanisms and make new friends

You can speak about your experience without feeling judged


Thank you for joining Right-On with HFG. We look forward to seeing you next Wednesday May 7 for our weekly Right-On conversation

The topic for next week is – Getting Organized For Court

Please email your questions and comments to

If you would like more information on the HFG support group please email

Have a great day! HFG Hugs!!










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