The Healing Process
Welcome to Right-On with HFG Happy Families Support Network Inc. (HFG)
HFG is a not-for-profit support group that provides ongoing support to women and children who have experienced abuse
HFG is run by women who have experienced abuse for women and children who have experienced abuse and is a free service to women and children
The topic for today is – So You’ve Left…What Now?
Today we will talk about – The Healing Process
In order to overcome the damaging effects of abuse you need to change your way of thinking about yourself
Forgive yourself and relearn to love and trust yourself
At HFG we say “moms learn to PIVOT” just like in basketball
Keep 1 leg on the floor, being a mom, while working on forgiving, loving and trusting yourself and regaining confidence and self esteem
Acknowledge and accept that the abuse was done to you. It is not your fault!
Repeat…IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Accept and experience your emotions, they are normal and healthy
MOURN the loss of your relationship as if it was a death in the family. The person you loved no longer exist
It is OK to feel ANGER. This is a normal emotion and everyone gets angry every now and then…
REMEMBER you are not angry at yourself, but at what happened. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
LONELINESS and ISOLATION is a big part of abuse, these feelings continue after you’ve left the abusive relationship
Take some time to mend relationships with family and friends if possible
…if not possible plan to make new friends and build new networks. But first spend some time with yourself
Abuse slowly erodes your confidence and self-esteem, and now is the time to rebuild them
Make a list of your best qualities. Ask for help if needed. Friends and family can be helpful
Keep that list with you and read it regularly and when you think of something new, add it to the list
This is the beginning of relearning to LOVE YOURSELF
Surround yourself with love. YOU DESERVE IT
Fill your home with memories and mementos that remind you of how loveable you are and how much you are loved
It is OK to feel ANXIOUS and OVERWHELMED at times
TRUST YOURSELF, trust your instincts. Remember, before the abuse you trusted yourself to make the right decisions
Trust yourself enough to know even if you make mistakes, you’ll learn from them, and make more decisions until you have the desired effect
If you have FEELINGS of FAILURE. REMEMBER, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! You can’t change the abuser
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! FORGIVE YOURSELF. Give yourself a break. You did nothing to deserve being abused
So forgive yourself, throw away the guilt and PIVOT towards CONFIDENCE
You’ve done the most courageous thing ever…LEFT AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Take small or large steps. Whatever size steps you are comfortable with but walk tall…
Hold your head up and know that you are an amazing person and deserve to be treated as such
Remember, you only fail if you don’t try. So keep trying
Climb over every stone and clump of dirt that life throws at you, and every time you stumble, get up, brush yourself off and keep climbing
Remember you are strong, courageous and resourceful!
Now start building your support system. Start by telling trusted friends and family about the abuse
Join support groups. It is very helpful to be around people with similar experiences. You are not alone
You can work together to develop new coping mechanisms and make new friends
You can speak about your experience without feeling judged
BE STRONG. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Thank you for joining Right-On with HFG. We look forward to seeing you next Wednesday May 7 for our weekly Right-On conversation
The topic for next week is – Getting Organized For Court
Have a great day! HFG Hugs!!