Rebuilding Your Self-Confidence After Abuse

Welcome to Right-On with HFG Happy Families Support Network Inc. (HFG)

HFG is a not-for-profit support group that provides ongoing support to women and children who have experienced abuse

HFG is a free support group for women and children who have experienced abuse, run by women who have experienced abuse

The topic for today is – Rebuilding Self-Confidence After Abuse

Meaning of Self-Confidence: A feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment

These questions flow in and out of our consciousness daily – Can I do this task? Am I loveable? Is this the right way to do this?

With self-confidence you move forward with tasks even if you are unsure, you just ask for help if needed

With self-confidence you love and expect love in return because you deserve it

With self-confidence you take chances, try different ways of doing things until you get it right

Without self-confidence you mentally beat yourself up on a daily basis – I can’t do this or I’m not good enough

Without self-confidence you feel as if you don’t deserve someone’s love and you second guess all your decisions

Self-confidence is something you are born with. If not, you would have given up and not learned to walk or talk

Look at all the things you’ve learned over the years…from childhood to where you are now

You’ve learned to walk…this was not something you just got up and did. You fell and picked yourself up many times

Self-confidence is about doing something and even if you fall, you just pick yourself up and try again

During abuse you unconscious absorbs a lot of negative things…your abuser tells you how incompetent you are

Your abuser tells you that you don’t deserve love, you are worthless and over time, you believe these statements

Over time you take on and believe the negative things told to you by your abuser as true and start doubting yourself

It’s time now to take back your power from your abuser and be the confident amazing person you are

So let’s look at some ideas and tips on how to rebuild the self-confidence you were born with

Get 2 pieces of paper one for your strengths and the other for your weaknesses

Start with your strengths and write down all the things you know you can do well & all that you love about yourself

Review your strengths list regularly and add to the list as you master something new or fall in love with something about you

Be proud of your strengths. Realize that these are what make you the amazing person you are

Now for your weaknesses, write down everything you don’t like about yourself and things you think you can’t do

Take a look at the list of weaknesses you assigned yourself. Are these the things your abuser said about you?

If you find your list of weaknesses reflect what your abuser said about you then cross that item off the list

The opinions of your abuser does not count at this time. Only what you know about yourself should remain on your lists

Review your weaknesses list regularly and cross things off that you have mastered or things you realize are not important

As you write your strengths and weakness lists, remember that you know yourself better than anyone else

Also remember that you are human and humans are not perfect and they mistakes, so accept yourself as you are mistakes and all

Stop saying negative things about yourself. Instead, replace negative thoughts with something nice/positive about yourself

Here are some positive things you can tell yourself and post in places where you’ll see and read them regularly

  1. I am beautiful and I love myself just the way I am
  2. I deserve to be loved and respected
  3. I am strong and resilient
  4. I learn from my mistakes
  5. I will never give up

Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is different with different abilities. Accept & be proud of who you are

Take care of yourself. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. This adds to your self-confidence

Distance yourself from negative people/sources in your life and replace them with positive people/sources

Make your home comfortable and fill it with love & memories of your achievements & special times with loved ones & friends

Get involved in activities that you enjoy and that helps you to relax and feel positive and gives you a sense of achievement

Say thank you when someone gives you a compliment. Add that compliment to your strengths list

Remember that rebuilding your self-confidence is an on-going process…take one step at a time

Open your mind and your heart to the amazing possibilities that await you on the road to rebuilding your self-confidence

Read article “Mom’s Pivot Chart”

Join a support group & talk about your feelings & experiences. Talking will help you feel better & raise your spirits

Learn the warning signs of abuse – read “The Various Types of Abuse Explained”

Be positive & thankful. Step over your bad days as you would step over rocks in your path. Dust yourself off & move forward

Work at falling in love with yourself again. Smile often. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

At the end of everyday take some time to congratulate yourself on a job well done. Reward yourself. Coffee/tea sounds great

You can rebuild your self-confidence one day at a time…REMEMBER

  1. I am beautiful and I love myself just the way I am
  2. I deserve to be loved and respected
  3. I am strong and resilient
  4. I learn from my mistakes
  5. I will never give up

Thanks for joining Right-On with HFG. We look forward to seeing you next Wednesday September 17 for our weekly Right-On conversation

The topic for next week is – Rebuilding Social Network After Abuse

Please email your questions and comments to

If you would like more information on the HFG support group please email

Have a great day! HFG Hugs!!

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