Rebuilding Your Self-Confidence After Abuse

Welcome to Right-On with HFG Happy Families Support Network Inc. (HFG)
HFG is a not-for-profit support group that provides ongoing support to women and children who have experienced abuse
HFG is a free support group for women and children who have experienced abuse, run by women who have experienced abuse
The topic for today is – Rebuilding Self-Confidence After Abuse
Meaning of Self-Confidence: A feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment
These questions flow in and out of our consciousness daily – Can I do this task? Am I loveable? Is this the right way to do this?
With self-confidence you move forward with tasks even if you are unsure, you just ask for help if needed
With self-confidence you love and expect love in return because you deserve it
With self-confidence you take chances, try different ways of doing things until you get it right
Without self-confidence you mentally beat yourself up on a daily basis – I can’t do this or I’m not good enough
Without self-confidence you feel as if you don’t deserve someone’s love and you second guess all your decisions
Self-confidence is something you are born with. If not, you would have given up and not learned to walk or talk
Look at all the things you’ve learned over the years…from childhood to where you are now
You’ve learned to walk…this was not something you just got up and did. You fell and picked yourself up many times
Self-confidence is about doing something and even if you fall, you just pick yourself up and try again
During abuse you unconscious absorbs a lot of negative things…your abuser tells you how incompetent you are
Your abuser tells you that you don’t deserve love, you are worthless and over time, you believe these statements
Over time you take on and believe the negative things told to you by your abuser as true and start doubting yourself
It’s time now to take back your power from your abuser and be the confident amazing person you are
So let’s look at some ideas and tips on how to rebuild the self-confidence you were born with
Get 2 pieces of paper one for your strengths and the other for your weaknesses
Start with your strengths and write down all the things you know you can do well & all that you love about yourself
Review your strengths list regularly and add to the list as you master something new or fall in love with something about you
Be proud of your strengths. Realize that these are what make you the amazing person you are
Now for your weaknesses, write down everything you don’t like about yourself and things you think you can’t do
Take a look at the list of weaknesses you assigned yourself. Are these the things your abuser said about you?
If you find your list of weaknesses reflect what your abuser said about you then cross that item off the list
The opinions of your abuser does not count at this time. Only what you know about yourself should remain on your lists
Review your weaknesses list regularly and cross things off that you have mastered or things you realize are not important
As you write your strengths and weakness lists, remember that you know yourself better than anyone else
Also remember that you are human and humans are not perfect and they mistakes, so accept yourself as you are mistakes and all
Stop saying negative things about yourself. Instead, replace negative thoughts with something nice/positive about yourself
Here are some positive things you can tell yourself and post in places where you’ll see and read them regularly

  1. I am beautiful and I love myself just the way I am
  2. I deserve to be loved and respected
  3. I am strong and resilient
  4. I learn from my mistakes
  5. I will never give up

Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is different with different abilities. Accept & be proud of who you are
Take care of yourself. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. This adds to your self-confidence
Distance yourself from negative people/sources in your life and replace them with positive people/sources
Make your home comfortable and fill it with love & memories of your achievements & special times with loved ones & friends
Get involved in activities that you enjoy and that helps you to relax and feel positive and gives you a sense of achievement
Say thank you when someone gives you a compliment. Add that compliment to your strengths list
Remember that rebuilding your self-confidence is an on-going process…take one step at a time
Open your mind and your heart to the amazing possibilities that await you on the road to rebuilding your self-confidence
Read article “Mom’s Pivot Chart” https://hfg-happyfamilies.com/expressing-ourselves/articles/recovering-from-abuse-a-moms-pivot-chart/
Join a support group & talk about your feelings & experiences. Talking will help you feel better & raise your spirits
Learn the warning signs of abuse – read “The Various Types of Abuse Explained” https://hfg-happyfamilies.com/2014/07/01/the-various-types-of-abuse-explained-june-4-2014/
Be positive & thankful. Step over your bad days as you would step over rocks in your path. Dust yourself off & move forward
Work at falling in love with yourself again. Smile often. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
At the end of everyday take some time to congratulate yourself on a job well done. Reward yourself. Coffee/tea sounds great
You can rebuild your self-confidence one day at a time…REMEMBER

  1. I am beautiful and I love myself just the way I am
  2. I deserve to be loved and respected
  3. I am strong and resilient
  4. I learn from my mistakes
  5. I will never give up

Thanks for joining Right-On with HFG. We look forward to seeing you next Wednesday September 17 for our weekly Right-On conversation
The topic for next week is – Rebuilding Social Network After Abuse
Please email your questions and comments to right-on@hfgfamilies.com
If you would like more information on the HFG support group please email info@hfgfamilies.com
Have a great day! HFG Hugs!!

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