During an abusive relationship, moms lose confidence in themselves. They no longer love the person they are and think that they are not lovable. They no longer trust their decisions, or their ability to make good decisions. They blame themselves for letting the abuse happen and feel guilty about breaking up the family after leaving the relationship. These are a lot of conflicting emotions to deal with and after leaving the relationship the survival of the family is totally dependent on them being able to parent and make decisions for themselves and their children.
In order to overcome the damaging effects of abuse, moms need to change their ways of thinking about themselves, forgive themselves and relearn to love and trust themselves. In other words, moms need to be able to pivot. Just like in basketball, moms need to keep one leg on the floor, constantly being a mom while working on forgiving themselves, loving themselves, trusting themselves and regaining their confidence.
There are 4 points on the mom’s pivot chart:
- Forgiveness and
When you work towards bringing these 4 points into your daily life you can achieve anything. Everything is possible. You become your best YOU!
Love: love yourself. Love your children, friends and family. Surround yourself with love. Accept love from your children, family and friends, you deserve it. Make your home a place of love. Fill your home with new memories and mementos that remind you of how lovable you are and how much you are loved.
Trust: trust yourself, trust your instincts. Remember, before the abuse you trusted yourself to make the right decisions. Trust yourself enough to know that if you make a mistake, you will learn from it and then make another decision until you have the desired effect.
Forgiveness: it is not your fault. Give yourself a break. You weren’t asking for it. You did nothing to deserve being abused. So forgive yourself, throw away the guilt and pivot towards confidence.
Confidence: take small or large steps. Whatever size steps you are comfortable with but walk tall. Hold your head up and know that you are an amazing person, parent, daughter, woman, mom, sister, friend, etc. Confidence will take you over the humps and bumps of life. It will give you the strength to brush yourself off when you fail and try again. It will help you when you have disagreements with others to be able to speak up for yourself.
When you love yourself, trust yourself, forgive yourself and have confidence in yourself, you are the best you possible. You become the best parent, sister, friend, daughter, etc. You can go after the job you want or that promotion, or go back to school…you know why…
You can do it
You deserve it
You are worth it
© Copyright 2014 – HFG Happy Families Support Network Inc.