Can You Avoid Being Abused?

Posts/Tweets May 28, 2014
Welcome to Right-On with HFG Happy Families Support Network Inc. (HFG)
HFG is a not-for-profit support group that provides ongoing support to women and children who have experienced abuse
HFG is a free support group for women and children who have experienced abuse, run by women who have experienced abuse
The topic for today is – Can You Avoid Being Abused?
Can you avoid being abused? Can you walk away from Mr. Charming, moving so fast, making you uncomfortable?
Can you recognize the signs of a potential abuser and then take action before you are locked in his trap?
It is never enough to just know the behavioural patterns of potential abusers, you need to act…RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
End the relationship before it gets serious. Be firm. Don’t give in to tears, pity stories, and pressure
Remember what’s important. Think about the following questions and statements

1. Who are you and what do you want in a relationship?
2. Do you have a choice in relationship partners?
3. You deserve a great relationship? One where you and your partner are equals and you are respected
4. You deserve a relationship where you laugh more that you disagree
5. You deserve a relationship where your thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams and person are just as important as your partner’s

Remember there are various types of abuse

1. Physical – harming or threatening to harm, using weapons, getting in your face, blocking a doorway…murder
2. Emotional – Insults, put downs, intimidation, embarrassing you in public, controlling; excessive texts/calls
3. Verbal – Yelling, shouting, swearing, continuously arguing, interrupting, talking over you, put downs
4. Mental – Playing mind games with you, twisting everything around so nothing is their fault lying
5. Economic – Withholding money, opening up a joint account but you don’t have access
6. Sexual – Rape, unwanted sexual touching, pressure for sex, forcing you to have unprotected sex
7. Spiritual – Not allowing you to follow your preferred spiritual or religious tradition

Now that you know the types of abuse, let’s look at how to recognize a potentially abusive partner

1. They are never wrong, it is never their fault
2. They want to know where you are and with whom at all times, and every free moment should be spent with them
3. They tell you about themselves, but the stories change regularly, getting more fantastic, you wonder if they are lying
4. They are excessively romantic and attentive, everything seems to be done very big and public
5. They tell you they love you very quickly and want to move in and marry you almost immediately
6. It was love at first sight, they’ve never loved anyone the way they love you
7. They are obsessive about status and gaining status symbols
8. They are jealous and doesn’t like you talking to other men, or doing things without them
9. They display a very strong sense of entitlement, as if they are more important than everyone else
10. They behave as if the world owes them everything and they will just sit back and it will be delivered
11. They don’t seem to have any friends or are not introducing you to them
12. If they meet your friends, they will make excuses not to hang out with them
13. They are very sensitive and get offended very easily. You feel the need to apologize regularly
14. They tell jokes about others that are condescending and cruel. Always putting other people down
15. They are very negative about their Exes, it is her fault the relationship didn’t work out
16. Gives graphic detailed description of being in fights/arguments as the aggressor, usually it was self defense
17. They lose their temper regularly and at the smallest thing. They are always the victim
18. They always seem to need instant gratification. Can’t wait for anything always want it now!
19. They know and have done everything. Doesn’t matter what you start saying, they always know or did something better

So now you have an idea of the behavioural patterns of potential abusers. Now what do you do not to get caught in their web?
How do you protect yourself?

1. If it seems too good to be true, it usually is too good to be true
2. Listen to and trust your gut. This is your internal alarm system. If you are uncomfortable it is for a reason
3. Don’t make excuses for things you notice that are mean and cruel, whether towards you or someone else
4. Don’t lose yourself. Be you and remember you deserve love, respect and true happiness
5. Don’t disconnect from family and friends. You shouldn’t have to give up family and friends to be in a relationship
6. Take time for you to do things you did before the relationship. Me time is very important
7. Move slowly in a relationship so you have the time to get to know who you are dating
8. Set boundaries and maintain them. Demand the same respect for yourself that you give
9. REMEMBER YOU ARE AMAZING, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, RESOURCEFUL AND YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT
10. LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. As soon as your gut tells you something is wrong, leave, end it! Not as easy as it sounds I know
11. Once you decide to leave, don’t give in to pressure & pretend tears. They are only sad that you’re escaping their abusive claws
12. BE FIRM. BE STRONG. YOUR SAFETY COMES FIRST. YOU CAN DO THIS!

You can prevent certain illnesses with education and lifestyle changes
Can you avoid being abused by knowing what to look for and walking away as soon as you are uncomfortable?
KNOW THE SIGNS! ACT!
Thank you for joining Right-On with HFG. We look forward to seeing you next Wednesday June 4 for our weekly Right-On conversation
The topic for next week is – The Various Types of Abuse Explained?
Please email your questions and comments to right-on@hfgfamilies.com
If you would like more information on the HFG support group please email info@hfgfamilies.com
Have a great day! HFG Hugs!!