Have you ever wondered why women stay in abusive relationships? You say things like “Didn’t she notice it happening?”, “that could never happen to me”, “I would have left long ago”. If the victim could answer your questions would that help you to understand? Well I am going to try and paint a picture with my words for you, so make yourself some tea or coffee, have a seat, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Freedom Heaven on a sugar high Coming down from the sugar Heaven Punched in the gut Spaced and wondering Testing heaven Heaven Punched in the gut Spaced and wondering Testing heaven Punched in the gut Spaced and wondering Punched in the gut Punched in the gut This is a repetitive cycle. Each time you feel punched in the gut you are more timid on the next return to the heaven feeling. Like getting a pet bird. For the first month you let it fly freely around the house 2nd month you add a tiny bit of restriction. It’s not allowed in a certain room. Note though that it’s not really a room the bird frequented anyway so not a big problem. Then when the bird wasn’t looking you plucked a feather. This restricting and feather plucking continues over a period of time until the bird is only allowed in 1 room and only a portion of that room and so many feathers were plucked that the bird felt naked and had difficulty flying. So when you offered a tiny blanket the bird was very happy just to stay in that one spot to rest and keep warm. Next you take away the blanket and put the bird in a cage. Ok so it’s a pretty big cage compared to some. But much smaller than the space the bird had when it was allowed in a portion of the room. With this cage there was no need to wait until the bird wasn’t paying attention to pluck a few feathers. You just went ahead and plucked when you felt like it. As soon as the bird gets accustomed to the space in the cage, you bring in a new cage. Put it inside the old cage and put the bird inside. The bird is still in the big cage from the outside looking in. But from the inside looking out the walls of the cage seem to be closing in taking away space and air. This downsizing continues until the bird is in a small box with not enough room to move its wings or to stand and there are no feathers left to keep it warm. It’s trapped. Completely helpless. And can’t see a way out. The bird wants to be free. There is still a tiny memory of the freedom of space. Options to fly wherever it wanted and all the love and care it had. The bird now spends its time trying to figure out what happened. When exactly it happened and what it did to deserve this. Until it starts to go a bit mad believing the image of itself now is what it had always been and everything else was just a dream. It decides to stay put. The space outside its box was pretty dangerous anyway and at least in this box it could be a bit warm sometimes and sometimes there was even food... Sit with that picture for a bit... How are you feeling now? Blindsided Trapped in someone else’s nightmare Now you know why she stays. It’s not because she’s stupid, uneducated or in it for the money. It’s because everything happened so slowly. Before she was completely aware there was trouble she was alone and trapped. There seemed to be no one to turn to for help. Who would believe anyway. From the outside everything seemed amazing. She was the only one seeing things from the inside.
