So you’re triggered?
Another meltdown, hands shaking, hyperventilating, tears streaming down your face, can’t finds the words, tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth, feeling like you are about the hurl or feint.
What can you do?
Put post-it-notes everywhere reminding you to breathe. Just sit where you are and let it all hang out. Use something to help you find your centre – a talisman? Let it out – cry. Call someone. Run and hide. Confused! Confusing, uncontrollable overload of emotions. Helplessness!
Do you hide…or do you live?
Anything can be a trigger. You never know when it will happen, but when it does you are transported to that place in your experience memory where fear and sadness reign…and you have no control of your emotions and sometimes your body. You want to be brave and yet you run and hide, scream, cry, have tremors and you are back in your worst nightmare.
How can you turn this around? How can you make this stop? How can you heal?
Talking about your feelings, fears and experiences helps. Talking until you get desensitized. So you can talk about your experiences without falling apart. This takes a very long time. I know. Because we’ve pushed that pain and hurt so deep that only our subconscious remembers and know about every painful detail.
A one hour session does nothing but poke at the surface of the pain and makes us feel raw, and when that one hour is done and we hang up the phone we are left with feelings of pain, fear, defeat and worrying that this will never go away…we will never be free of our abusers torment. We are now damaged goods. This is our life from now on.
BUT NO!
It doesn’t have to be that way. We are fighters! We are women, taking care of everyone and everything while we bury our pain in a vault that is hidden from public view. Worried that if you lose it and let it out people will think you are weak or crazy, or you’re pretending. I know you’re not though. So you keep it locked up and the cycle of getting triggered continues.
Crying washes the heart and soul and sometimes takes some of the pain with it. Writing it down sometimes helps to release some of the pain but sometimes leaves you raw from reliving the memories. The more you hold in the pain and sadness, the tighter your vault, the easier it is for you to be triggered.
Practice letting it out a bit at a time. Talk to someone who understands and will listen without judgment.
Get desensitized! HEAL!
Hugs!
HFG